we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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