I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
