why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
