yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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