If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
