I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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