last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
