I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
