her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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