3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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