we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
