Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
