stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
