he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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