oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
