You're so nebulous sometimes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
