i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You dont lie about slip and slides
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize