im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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