Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
