There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Drunk is not a location!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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