I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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