yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
