Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
