who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
