An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
