took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize