apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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