I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
