escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
