I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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