I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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