The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
