CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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