Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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