How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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