I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize