I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
