Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
