I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently you make a good broom.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
