Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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