i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You ate ashes out of my bong
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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