Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
