this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
