Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
