the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
