so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
