just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
