wat bout pragnant strippers??
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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