I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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