My first STD was from a foam party
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
