at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
