I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
