the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
