I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
