I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
