I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
