she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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