things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you win again, gameday.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
