big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
