5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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