After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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