my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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