The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
