who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
