I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
