Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
