You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
