what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
