All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
