Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He passed out mid-signature
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize