I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
