I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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