so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
