Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
