So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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