We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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