Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
