May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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