if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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