i already hear my dad disowning me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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