If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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