I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize