shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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