i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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