just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
