It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
