If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
