May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
