swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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