Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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