omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
