tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
