Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
