I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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