i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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