i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
