so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
